He told his wife that it was fine if she wanted a baby. He didn’t really, but he wouldn’t do anything to get in the way. He would support her and the family. He had a big–time career. And he would continue to work. That is how he would contribute.
But he told her to not expect one of those real engaged fathers. The baby was to be her ‘thing’.
About 18 months after the baby was born, he came home from work and his wife had something she needed to do. She handed him the baby.
He was alone with the kid. Snuggled up in the crook of his neck, his mind rambling.
This was not the deal. I have work to do. This family is not going to pay for itself. AND I have to make dinner. This is all wrong. It’s all wrong, it wasn’t supposed to be like this. It wasn’t going to be this way.
But his body was saying something else.
Oh man, this feels good….This warm nugget of love feels really good…I’ve never felt anything like this before…I am so lucky! I love this little guy. Please, please, please never leave. I love you little man.
bondage
Like a mother, a father feels the neuro-hormonal bond through a surge of oxytocin, at the same levels that a mother does [1] during child birth. And skin to skin contact from a man home from work brings new antibodies against disease, transferred through the skin. Our bodies were designed to be together. They were designed to be touching, skin-to-skin. Which is pretty handy because it feels so freakin’ good.
I get high when I see my kids after being at work all day. Though, I used to think it was a contact buzz from living on Vashon. I thought oxytocin was reserved for mommas and Rush Limbaugh. But I kind of like knowing it’s in me. Laying dormant until I see my family, just waiting to pounce on me to make sure I really feel the good things in life.
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1.Gordon, Ilanit, “Oxytocin and the Development of Parenting in Humans.” Oxytocin: It’s a Mom and Pop Thing. 20-Aug-2010. 20-Aug-2010. http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2010-08/e-oia082010.php
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
A fabulous spin on a heartwarming story. Matt, you are gifted at giving words to the real and important stuff of life, like the moment a father realizes he is madly intoxicated by love for his son – what a rush. Let the gift flow…
It is a great story, glad we were able to listen to it together.
Interesting about the anti-bodies transferred through the skin. It’s like depriving both father and child when they don’t get that contact. Maybe Rush just didn’t get cuddled enough by his daddy.
Sadly Karrie, I think a lot of babies don’t get held enough by their Poppa’s. When Elouise was an infant, I would rip my shirt off when I got home to hold her against my skin. Not to mention, Mary liked it too…