Before he was born, I was scared that he and I were not going to get each other. I was paranoid that the baby inside Mary’s belly was maligned against me. I was worried that no matter how much I moved towards him, to understand him and to love him; he would ultimately push me away. Our whole lives were going to be contrast and struggle. I felt like this through much of the pregnancy.
He has a killer dance move. He puts one ear down to the ground and smiles–his little legs kicking his butt in the air. Then he rolls over and pops back up, continuing to flail his arms and twirl in circles–smiling the whole time.
I totally get that move. When ever he does it I scream. He knows I like it. When he does it, he he looks at me to make sure I see it.
Jacob and I are fast buds, the relationship is mine to screw up.
Why was I so worried? What was I thinking? While it was happening, I had a hunch there was nothing wrong with me or my thoughts, that what I was experiencing was…normal.
And yet I wonder why I was so worried.
photo: Ben Scott-Killian
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
I bet a lot of parents feel that way. And yes, you will probably screw up at some point…and it will still be okay. I think every kid and every parent have their moments. You love big and I am sure you’ll teach your kids to do the same. Wow, look at me giving parenting advice. Kinda creepy since I don’t have a kid myself. Geesh. Maybe you should blog on that: People without kids giving parenting advice and how annoying it is and how even though they think they know what they are talking about, they have no flipping idea.
No kidding, Karrie, some of the best parenting advice I have gotten is from non parents. They are frequently the ones who have the best perspective on raising children, because they walk the planet with all the results. We parents do as well, but its difficult to see the trees through the forest. whoa. I think that’s the first time I’ve used that saying.